night lights

Not sure what that title means except it is late and I am finally typing on my blog. Sometimes, on nights like this, I wonder what is all for. I have wanted to do the right thing for so long. I have been a good wife to two men who treated me badly and then when I left because I couldn't take it anymore I am the one left with nothing but enemies. Relationships, blah. What good are they? Maybe sex is the only satisfaction there is.

I feel like I do nothing but give, give, give and all I get is those who want to hurt me and take advantage.

Its not just that, my life is a fucking lie. I am so bored here in Cali. I should be in Costa Rica or even Colorado where I could be outside in nature every day. I hate surfing here it is so cold and crowded. Plus there is no nature it is all developed. There are so many other things about living here I hate. But everyday there is a smile on my face. I pretend it is all ok. There is not one person in my life who I could talk to about my feelings because f*cking God or whoever took that one person away from me.